what happens

It's been long, the blog is a ghost town, and I know not many people read it. Ah heck.

Life's still quite miserable. I have to contend with a lot of pressure, late nights, and bullies from higher command, people I am begining to think do not deserve my respect anymore. It is undeniable that some people just don't like me due to some form of racial or status prejudice. Maybe I'm non-Chinese, maybe I'm too atas because I'm a JC student. Whatever. I distance myself from them.

I am peeved by this communication barrier that keeps me from understanding what another person says, while the other person has no idea what an atas person like me talks. Don't mean to be racist here but it seems to be the Chinese who keep disappointing me in this aspect. Probably a majority-mindset that warrants the irresponsible usage of the language. There's no sensitivity on their part when a non-Chinese person is within their company; they'll still blabber and absolutely antagonise that person. I'm really frustrated by this. As it is, I can't understand how they can even understand themselves. Obviously the lingua-franca (if that is the appropriate word to use) is some dialect, probably Hokkien, but when you listen it sounds more like noise than a medium of communication. I say this because I hear mostly shouting and stammering and repetition of syllables, and from my judgement it hardly sounds like a proper means of relaying information. Whatever it is, I'm concerned about how people actually communicate in the army and given the variety of peoples and tongues, I am disappointed that there cannot be effective communication across races, but I will be ever so disappointed if I find out that people of the same race cannot even communicate properly because they use a language/dialect that is ineffective.

Disappointing it is also that racial harmony is just an over-celebrated concept that has no firm roots in this country. Ever since army started, I've been feeling oppressively more self-conscious of my own 'race' and how I cannot fit in. In my current place, there is minimal amalgamation and maximum congregation. Indians want to go with Indians but don't mind Malays while the Chinese are mostly a class of their own. Malays will always want to go by themselves. I've always been told to put people from the same race on detail but I refuse to abide by that, and I've even told my officers that I don't believe in it, that putting them together on exercises will make them bond instead of segregating them.

As long as I've been a part of the transport formation, this issue has been perturbing me and I finally give it rest. I have nothing more to say except I'll continue being the lone ranger as I've always been. It's a horrible truth that birds of a feather flock together. I hate that idiom, it's disgraceful.

As for me, I'm proud of the mixed up person I am. I am proud that I'm not purely a certain race and I'm even more proud that I have no traditions to abide by and follow. I am free for all I care, and you should be jealous of me.