Maintenance Skill Enhancement Training

Also known as MSET. The course is quite toot bcuz we go home everyday at 6pm, but since the course is done by civilian people, it tends to get really slack.

It's quite cool, because they show us the basics of inspecting and servicing the three vehicles we've learnt so far. Now, we know all about how the giants we've been moving all this time work. You get to see all the monster engines and other technical parts your normal car probably doesn't have.

Also, from the top of the giganto-multi-storey carparks where we have our lesson is the most pleasing view of Johor Bahru you will never see in any other military camp too soon. From my little outpost you can see the condominiums and the hills interspersed through the green foliage of her forests and plantations. It's a very nice way to relax after lessons.

So right now, things are doing good. Will get unit postings after these two weeks. Now I only need to start my duty and wait to ORD in little more than a year. Hurrah!

Yesterday I turned 19

I had my happy birthday yesterday and it was so mind-numbingly uneventful that I didn't even bother blogging about it until today.

I spent my bithday yesterday waiting for work to end. The only special thing about yesterday's day was that I managed to sneak in about 4 hours of sleep without being caught. That was truly amazing, and even my friends were surprised I managed to do that, because I usually the sleep (illegally) the least out of all of us. If I ever do doze off, it would be for a maximum of 20 minutes.

I came home and nothing any more interesting happened except for an extremely low key cake eating ceremony and playing computer games watching teevee and then going to sleep.

Today, I went to a friend's house and played the Xbox 360 (which is quite cool but somehow I feel it's overhyped). Was quite against it because my idea of spending a good day together doing things was going out somewhere and doing something outdoors, or at least, not in someone's house. I am a non-believer in spending time at home. Normally the house can offer you nothing but stupid instruments of entertainment like the idiot box and your internet. If you want to spend good time with others, do it outside in the large beatiful world that was created for you and me. Anyway, so we put on a lot of weight sitting on the couch and playing mindless games, and then I had the loveliest spiciest bee hoon with chilli that made me sweat in a freezing room. It was very shameful because they doubted my Indian identity. After that, they all scooted to Yishun to have a Sakae Sushi buffet which I was dead against because after going for a few Seoul Garden buffets I equate buffet to sin. You spend 3 to 4 hours talking and yakking and getting grossly fat. Unfortunately I found the buffet extremely interesting later on, but before that, I went to finally sign up for my BTT. It's quite shameful because everyone else has either registered or done it, and I still haven't started. Getting my license means doing sai kang for my parents who are the current taxi drivers of the family. The driving school in Ang Mo Kio is kind a mad house. And it brought back (bad) memories of my driving lesson days in the SAF. No good. Anyway, in the end, I realised it wouldn't be as traumatic because the instructors there seem nicer.

After my little separation from them I located them at the arcade in Yishun and felt very sad they pang seh me. I wanted to play arcade la. Anyway, we had the sushi buffet and then I parted much to their irritation.

My birthday this year doesn't feel special at all. Although I daresay that I have gotten a lot lot lot more this year compared to any other year in terms of material gifts, the one and only gift that I long for was not granted. Time with people who you really genuinely care for and who care for you.

That was a pity.

In any case, the pivotal 18 years is over and in another year's time, I'd have reached the interim year between teenagehood and adulthood. The no man's land. Turning 19 has made my shoulders feel heavier with more responsibilities and with more problems, more emotional turbulence and more angst than any of my teenage years. While some teens are already getting over their stupid little problems and maturing, I feel like mine have just begun. It doesn't help to know that you're falling behind in life. I cannot explain why I've been feeling so aggressive and angsty this year compared to others.

The easiest thing to do is point my finger at the army. Ever since I entered, I realised that being exposed to an organisation made up purely of egocentric, loud and brash males. I confided in my mother that I was fearful that I would be influenced by the rage that I saw everyday in camp. I guess it's gotten into my head now. It doesn't help that I meet idiots everyday who are wasting their lives and mine by being utterly uninterested in themselves and other people. With people like these around, everyday becomes a challenge to keep your cool and tolerate them, and try your best to co-exist.

This issue of selfishness and not thinking of others; I thought I was above everyone else in this. In BMT I made it my policy to help others, but after a while I felt used. Now I'm very skeptical and paranoid when I'm around people. But when put in a situation where we're being pushed and I have energy to pull on others with me, I'll do it. However, in the arena of PR, the people bedamned by me are those who think of no one else. Under this category you'll find many other jokers, like the chao kengers who think that they have the privelege to sit back while others slog it out. Then there are the impatient and brash who'll manipulate situations forcefully to suit their agendas, not considering the safety of the greater group of people. Sadly, we're all far from faultless, but the one thing that disturbs me is when I review my actions and realise that it's exactly that which I detest. There were a few incidents outside army when I showed what a hyopcrite I was: once was during the national day parade when everything was going wrong and I couldn't get to see the parade on time, and so I zoomed quite fast and lost half the class, and later on I ran away from them to get a better view. There was another instance during the army open house where I shot out of a minibus after a misunderstanding on the venue, and with my one-track mind attitude I hadn't realised that the rest were staying put in the minibus and I was the only idiot out. It not only made me feel embarrassed, it showed how out-of-sync I could be with the people around me. Therefore, I found out that I was a hypocrite, thinking of my own agenda without sparing a thought for the interests of my other friends.

It is these friends that have brought me out from inflicting myself with injury to my soul. For although they've seen this new ugly side to me, they've shown immeasurable forgiveness towards me that truly amazes me. My friends have understood that I am prone to battering myself and are always there to save me when I need saving. For that, I am so thankful to have such amazing friends. It is my deepest regret that I couldn't spend my special day in their company to celebrate the friendships I've been blessed with up till my 19th year.

One wise bloke said that life's successes cannot be measured in terms of material possession but in terms of the relationships you make and sustain. Nothing can make a birthday special other than being with loved ones who make it known you are precious to them. Not a boring birthday song, not an Xbox game, and definitely not a sushi party.

Even then, I'm glad that I got to take leave today to spend some slack time with my army friends and I hope that we will enjoy each other's company before we part for our units. Hurrah!

Operation Underslung

Just came back from playing with bird. I'm not being lewd here: they refer to a helicopter as a bird.

To be very very brief so that I am not convicted as being a sinful blogger divulging military secrets, all I can say is that the experience was unforgetable. The most amazing thing is standing on the bonnet waiting for the bird to come towards you until it's just a hop above you. The downwash immediately causes your mind to conjure images of a mighty super hero with wind blowing through his hair. I only regret having so little hair at this point of time, but in any case it wouldn't matter because we wear a face mask and helmet so there's no chance of you getting so high. Actually the strong wind is not so good because it kicks up a LOT of dust. Hooking up the load under the chopper while it's at a deathly height above you, and then subsequently running away as fast as your legs can carry you is really invigorating. When you enter the downwash zone again, your speed doubles without you putting any effort. You feel like Sonic going over the speedstrips in the game. And then you hurtle all the way back to the holding area and watch the rover fly. Shiok.

Is that considered brief?

Feeling unbelievably angsty the last few days. I'm once again convinced I'm a failure and an abomination to just everyone around me. It's weird because I'm just putting myself down and hating myself for it, and yet whatever my mind thinks of is just so true. It's like indulging in sweet poison, this feeling of wallowing in self-pity. I hate my body, I hate my character, I hate the fact that I don't live up to what I stand for. In my eyes I'm lazy, indisciplined, hypocritical and therefore incapable of getting anywhere in life. It's dangerous, these thoughts. But I dwell on them for who knows what reason. Chemical imbalance? I think not. Somehow there's some sort of pattern to this. It's that time of the year.

I came back from a very sombre discussion in my mom's car, shed a few tears upon reaching home(I'm open to admitting it since I've been condemned to being a SNAG too) and then I decided to do something really weird. Walked approximately 8km (I'll double check tmr when I find a map in camp). That meant two hours near-continuous walking. My destination was the summit of that hill in Ang Mo Kio park. When I reached the side, I told myself it would be the hardest part since I was going uphill. Then I discovered something amazing about stairs and parallax. I saw the flight of stairs leading to the top, and so with a burst of energy I started running up. And then I realised that what I thought was two flights of stairs became four as I kept running up. And when I reached the fourth, there were two more, and when I reached the sixth there were two more and then I saw the top. But when I reached the top, there were two more. Oh man, but I ran up every single step no matter the fact that I had been fooled by some illusion. Reaching the top was liberating. And the walk made me realise that certain idiosyncrasies that I turn out to be life saving. I felt cold although I was under the hot sun. Guess hair and sweat aren't that bad at all, eh hairless homo sapiens?

I cannot keep on rotting at home. I need to do stupid things like this to challenge myself and keep me occupied. And fit. I'm begining to balloon out again. I haven't been able to exercise at all since the course began since I reach home zonked out at 7pm. I guess tweaking my strategy now might help. Oh and the end of my course comes in two weeks time! That's semi-good news: it means that my horribly long stay in STC comes to a close, but it means there's more to fear in unit. I imagine angry warrant officers making it a point to scold me everyday of my life in unit. Bah. Oh and going for more field camps or exercises. Sian.

Oh joy two more weeks to that day which means that I'm getting piled on with more responsibilities and heck I'm gonna need more gumption for survival in this lousy rat-race world. This time I won't mind home made cake. More icing, please.