Good music, good life. No music, no life!

Here I am, trying to do something constructive at home instead of subjecting myself to pressure in school. People talk about stress in school, but what could be worse than missing out on it.

Well, I'm here because apparently, my tummy decided to betray me since yesterday morning. It kinda feels like my transverse colon is queasy. Sometimes I get this feeling it's disintegrating. And I need to go to the loo, although what comes out is not very frightening. Ah well. In this condition, I had school yesterday, ran my 2.4, had band, and came back to dispose of things. Unfortunately, my seniors, for some weird reason, decided to keep us back after band (which ended early) to go through certain details with us in the two pieces, much to the resentment of the members. Thinking I'd be kept back for 5 minutes was so wrong. It ended up being half an hour. I told my seniors I needed to go home soon cuz of my bad tummy, but in the end it didn't really matter. Well, I did give Meera a pathetic sounding sms about them keeping me back and casuing the toxins in my body to circulate faster sicne I hadn't rid of my waste, so here I am now rotting at home instead of preparing for next week (with an underlying 'it's because of you' somewhere in between).

Anyway, thanks to the meeting, a few funny things happened. Jasmine decided to observe us, and when Erwin came out, she asked "how come you don't have these kind of gatherings?" Firstly, if you think its a gathering, you're so wrong. Nothing fun about what was happenening yesterday. haha. Erwin's response was "That's because we know everything already what!". Well, he said it in a very meaningful tone, no sarcasm involved. It reminded me of this squabble between a wife who thinks she's always right and the husband who thinkss he's never wrong.

Things did start to turn out ugly.

Nearly sparked off a political debate. I was the first to emerge from the bandroom for the meeting, and since I was there first and it seemed like the rest were unwilling to come out anytime soon, I asked them to start. I was answered with a resounding no. And I retaliated asking "whatever happened to meritocracy? I came out fisrt, I should go first!" I was answered with a "Whatever happened to unity..." -.-

Halfway throughout the meeting, I decided to ask them whether it would be necesary to go through the things the next day during sectionals, which is anyway, the rightfully allocated time to do things like this, and in response to my very peaceful suggestion, the rest all roared out "Ya? Why must do now? Why not tmrw?"...oops. It wasn't my fault, but yep, it's kinda true that the next day was so much a better time. What could be worse than knowing that you could have been halfway home already?

After the whole thing I made it clear I was unhappy. I said jokingly that I missed my bus stop date. Sheesh. I thought that at least I could try to sneak in 2 minutes of conversation with her. And those two minutes became half an hour too late. I was hoping that at least today I'd have a chance but too bad. I'm here with a bad tummy. How frustrating eh?

Anyway, homework is being done. Although it's insufficient. I still can't understand how I have the gaul to go into clas not knowing anything that's happening, or not completing homework. Especially history. grrrrr...

In the meantime, right now, sectionals is on. And I'm here typing out worthless words. Could things get worse, than to steal my first love from me?

Anyway, I must thanks Hanjie for her very sweet letter she gave me yesterday. I'm so touched by it. She said I'm full of crap, always bickering with Si Xun, talking crap with Alex, and should be put behind a wall. I thank you so much hanjie! Anyway, thanks for the other constructive criticism you so kindly cited. I will remember it for a long time.

I failed my 2.4 yesterday by 16 seconds. Nothing's changed eh? Well. What Mr Menon said really stung me. It's really bad; lousy timing. I would've thought that passing is a miracle, and a milestone for me. But hey, someone like him comes along and drops the bomb. Haiya screw NS.

So I guess I need to work on my running still. Then I guess I'll naturally be able to do the rest. I hope.

La Storia d'El Camino Real.

Was having a nice chat yesterday with Wen Jie. We were toying with the possibility of establishing a functional alumni band. That actually practices. Lol. 3 years ago it was formed and then it disintegrated just before its first performance the next year!! That's thanks to SARS of course. Then who knows what happened to it after that. Well, another 'form' of the alumni band appeared for AMBience II but it looked really shabby. And sounded shabby too. Considering they only practiced 3 times for their item. Ha.

Yeah well. So it seems exciting to be able to reform and play like we used to. Show some of the spunk that AMB used to have.

Have been listening to a lot of new band songs lately: something I've needed in a long time. Heard St Nick's Choice Piece: El Camino Real. What does it mean? I think it means the Royal Queen or something, though I just can't put my finger on it. Listening to it has made me wonder how suddenly Snsb turned from a silver to gold. I mean, the song has so many challenges, not just technically, but even tonally, in terms of coordination and colour.

Ah at this point in time I've done some research on the song. El Camino Real means the royal road (damn I'm wrong), and it's composed by Alfred Reed. It's a reflection of many Spanish styles, primarily on their different dances. The first movement is a representation of the Jota, a fast-paced and exciting dance, whereas the second is the more mellow and tranquil Fandango, which in this piece, is not faithful to the time and tempo to the real thing. I don't know how, maybe it's supposed to be faster. The impression I get of the middle movement is that of a very majestic scene inside the court rooms. It ends off nicely with the themes from both movements blending seamlessly. The energy is well contained within the oddly non-aggressive yet speedy ending. This kind of style really caught my attention because it's a very odd, yet interesting concept.

I think Alfred Reed is my new composer hero. He's one who doesn't make any lame Wind Music songs. Cause they all sound the same nowadays. James Barnes being the most guilty of composing like-minded songs. Still, Alfred Reed, though dead, is definitely an inspiration to wind music around the world. In short, he rocks. =P

La Storia is composed by our dear ol' Jacob de Haan. If you haven't realised, he's the guy who composed our SYF set piece. The impression I get of La Storia is this biography of a beautiful life that braves many dangers and all of life's storms. It ends with the person looking back at the cruelty life has offered his beautiful soul; a thick fog of sadness enveloping him, with rain in the background. Without a tear dropping out from his eye, he just stands up, smiles, walks on and dares to continue with life, taking it head on, hoping for something better.

I just went to his web site to see what his comments on the piece were. And what he said is just so cool.

Film music is usually written to match the action in a scenario. Sometimes the opposite is true as is proved by Jacob de Haan’s piece La Storia. Written for creative musicians and audiences, the listener is given the opportunity of making up his own story to fit the music, without even the restriction of composer’s comments.

And that's just what I've done. Now that's what I call music!

If you want to play music, you need to be able to paint a picture in your mind. Sometimes, the composer wants there to be a kind of pre-meditated story to be reflected, but they way it should be is that you make the music your own. Take Ross Roy as an example. I refused to stick to the composers idea of it telling a story of the hardships of college life. That's so looney. I made my own story and decided to make it a story about sailors. And my section had a good time making up a story about it. We even included explicit scenes *.*. just kidding.

I ought to do this more often, just to take my mind off things (and those two songs that keep on getting repeated over and over again.).

What Key signature I am.

Shiok ah!!


C major - the simplest key. You are content with
where you are now, you have what you need. Some
people are happy in C major, but it is up to
you to decide to push yourself further if you
want more from your life.


what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mercury rising

Pressure gets greater as time ticks away.

Now there're merely 12 days. I remember just a while ago AMBians were saying that their SYF was just 12 days away. Now I'm saying it.

We performed for the IP preview today. The performance was good, considering we played in the acoustically-magnificient link way. Even a shitty band could sound good in the linkway, my band major said. Still, we didn't have too receptive an audience, and the parents and kids were more interested in digging into food. Idiots. I mean even I would have the decency to listen to a performance should there be something going on in the presence of food. And these guys weren't even having conversations with each other that would justify their lack of attention to us. They were basically just having an intimate time with their food, just like two oblivious lovers. Like I've said before, Singaporeans' eating habits disgust me sometimes. Of course my own eating habits are far from commendable, but....

All in all, we are gaining a lot of confidence in playing. I'm feeling free to move now. Can express myself without restraint now. Even with the little amount of space I have. Jap Graf was great. Not only was Dixie done at a phenomonal tempo that gave me a metabolic surge, the rest of the song was played with tenderness. Amazonia, if the audience had been more kind to listen, would have sent a terrorising chill down everyone's spine that they'd feel the urge to pee. Scary indeed, but that's just thanks to the acoustics.

Still, I personally believe that the band needs to work on coordination. We don't have to be overly critical and think that NJCSB is not up to standard. I think we all need to at least concentrate on being technically perfect before we work on sound. Sound is a case of subjectivity. Anyway, if you ask me our band doesn't have too bad a sound. Of course I'm saying this without first referring to the sound of another good JC band. However, I feel we're still too young to have an amazing sound as bands take years to achive that sound, and the players in these bands take lifetimes to find it before joining these bands. I'm talking about professional bands btw.

I think I'm making a really horrible resolution that I'd never dream of making. For the next 2 days, if the need arises, I shall neglect my school work, because since the school is so uptight about its CCAs doing outstandingly for SYF, we'll reciprocate by making it our priority now. So teachers, ppffffffffffffffftttt!!!!!! haha. Anyway, you can all have a field day killing us with your instruments of torture aka homework once we're done tooting our flutes and blowing our trumpets.

Another 2 months and we get our posts, I think. I expect the new posts to come after the concert. Dunno la. But I'm excited. I really hope that I get what I want to be. A PP. lol. But let time take its course, and hopefully life will not be as cruel to me as two years ago.

Speaking of which, I still really can't understand whether it was something I did or was that caused me to not get a promotion. Was I arrogant, complacent, incompetent? Well, I guess people didn't have a good impression on me in Sec 2 once I became an SL. I don't know why, people just tend to hunt down and kill those who are more dynamic with louder personalities, accusing them of being arrogant, despotic, proud, whatever. Maybe people thought that I was feeling oh so good I'm better than you once Marcus gave me his mantle. And that I thought I was the best player or something. I certainly did not. Maybe they were cooking things up since they were lousy. Ok, I won't theorise, it'll make things worse cause I'm unduly accusing people of doing things they might not have done.

Anyway, I would have thought I'm someone who'd be valued as a leader and a worthy successor. I'm not boasting or anything because I'm aware of my good attributes and know my strengths. So my non-promotion, rather demotion, was surprising. I think I can only blame it on the status quo of my section then. I might've been looked at as incompetent of handling my section. The only reason I appreciate my demotion is because I made a resolution to work on my section. And then I showed everyone how incompetent I was after that when Mr Lim said we were the best section. Once again, I don't take credit, because it was my section that did the most work by translating my aspirations into reality.

My greatest desire would be to have a chance to work with a capable group of EXCOs and Music COs to bring the band to another level. And more importantly, realise that although I may have a specific function in it, I must collaborate with the rest to be successful.

Screw hormones...

The gooey mixture in the hourglass

There's no time. There's no time at all. Just a few posts before I was saying that the SYF is a month away. And even then, it seemed close enough to feel. Now there's 2 weeks minus one day. 13 days left. And we all now feel as if we're gonna implode with all the late practices.

From next week onwards, we're gonna be practicing everyday. And thursday will be the ultimate: practice at Singpore Conference Hall until 11 pm. There'd be no way I'd survive the next day at all.

With all this practice, I just trust that NJCSB will be able to experience an exponential improvement in playing and more importantly, spirit and attitude. I, for one, am still not pushin myself as hard as I should and I think I'm gonna end up miserably laden with regrets after the SYF. And to think that was my policy two years ago: to not do things now that'll land you up with regrets later.

I therefore pledge to keep sharp during practices, and not be so playful. There's no more time for joking.

In the meantime, God save me from school. I've been walking into class like a zombie, without my lecture notes because I accidentally left them in my room. Next week is just gonna get better.

I'm also experiencing the wildest mixture of emotions, ranging from despair, to hope, and delusion to disillusion, and what not. I'm also helplessly smitten and it's only getting worse considering I've been plucky enough to start talking freely with her. It's really a whirlwind of emotions. And I don't know which one to bend on. I need a bit of therapy.

The worst part is the mundanity that life will be once it's all over. School as per normal, lessons to be done, and work to be handed in. The only perk would perhaps be the innocent teenage thingy. But I'm hopeless it's gonna be more of a burden. I'm not fit to be a normal person haiya. I'm better off a bachelor.

I think I'd better rest and get down to homework.

get my mind off herr...

One day after that of judgement.

AMB got silver.

Nevermind. I got really upset. I was so darn tense during class, when I was expecting the SMS from Char Siew b(han) to come. And when it came, unfortunately enough, lessons were only just through halfway. Lost concentration after that but yeah, it was quite sad when I opened it later.

I didn't get to hear the band, so I didn't know whether the verdict was justifiable or not. When Siew Han lemme listen to her recording, oh man my heart broke. The Singapore Rhapsody movement 1 by AMB on 15th April was the best I'd heard in my life. What a drastic improvement. The music flowed seamlessly. I could hear progressions I'd never heard before. AMB really performed well for that one.

Song of the Prarie was also well done, just that the sound was again too heavy in the slow movement. That's AMB's current weakness. Nvm, at least we can work on that. Otherwise, the energy in that song was well executed.

So I see no reason why they should get a Silver.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter that much. Cause the process is more important than achieving the results. I think many AMBians can look back and say that the things they learnt from these last few months has really broken many grounds...things they've never known before, they have strived to make it come to fruition. The simplest case being that they learnt two new songs. But learning songs isn't just 'something'. The thing about learning a song is that we learn a thing about the MAAAANY different kinds of music out there. Well, although I don't really find Song of Prairie a wonderful song. Kinda typical composition, with its special places here and there. Ok, it's true, it does have its uniqueness.

And maybe what AMB can do from now on is buck up in areas it hasn't ventured into yet. I've learnt quite a few new things in NJCSB. Maybe I can import ideas? That's if I have time lah. First I need to become more zhai (is that how you spell it?) then I can come with confidence

My only assessment of which areas AMB might've failed in are perhaps musicianship. Cause during all the practices I went for, all I saw were stone putting reeds in their mouths and blowing. I think this might be a big difference from us 2 years ago. BUT I CAN'T MAKE SUCH A STATEMENT AND CALL I FACT CUZ I DIDN'T WATCH THE PERFORMANCE. . Haha maybe there was a change in spirit during the performance. Yeah but I suggest that you treat practices like the competition itself, or else your last minute moving might not look grand enough. You gain more confidence as well. And confidence is key during the performance. If the adjudicators can sniff confidence, and not just get bored watching stone cold things blowing, then they'll be more impressed. What were the comments 2 years ago? Something like...

"You Clarinetists are a bunch of happy people aren't you?"

LOLOLOL...see what I mean?

haha.

I'm not so upset now. I think everyone who's been upset somehow or the other has begun feeling better. Me too.

Nevermind. Let's make a resolution to do better next time ok? We can do it because we know what we might've done wrong. We'll wait for the judges comments. In fact, we should paste them on the walls of the band room or file them for generations to come. Yeah.

One day from that of Judgement.

AMB's SYF is tomorrow. Everytime I think about it, that zap flows through my spine...same thing I felt two years ago when it ws my turn. Exciting, yet scary. Feels better than getting a caffeine high.

Yeah. Just when I was begining to think that my current membership in NJCSB is the best thing that's ever happened, I come to my senses and realise that I'm made big baloney. How could I forget what AMB has given to me? Why do I always think about what it's taken from me? In the first place, really, what has it taken from me? (THen again one must be prepared to ask what it HAS given me...but I'm prepared to answer alright!!!).

Having musical depression again. I realised that during the whole 'O' level mugging period, I didn't have any of those feelings. Now that I'm back in business, I've gotta face these nauseating feelings. Being honest with myself and facing up to reality is something I don't normally do, but do enough to make it become toxic to me. Sectionals make me feel sad because all along I've been section leader, not section led. Sadly, being in a section with good flautists as seniors and even co-flautists who are capable make realise that I've really not done well in the basics. And I'm nowhere good in my tone. The new guy from M'sia is damn good lar (like Dian Xiang says). Why is it that during sectionals I always seem to be the only one who does note dives? The one where you accidentally go one octave down. And the sickest thing is that my tonguing is AWFUL!! I don't know if it is, but it's just that my middle range seems to have become more solid...harder to penetrate with air. Obviously I have neglected that in the past. And I need to improve on it now. NOW!!! I hate having time acting to impede me.

Meera mentioned how the Clarinetists seem to move with bar 71. And how we should watch. And then I remembered what AMB has given me...musical freedom! Why was I the only idiot who was teased for dancing around in my chair? And I really expressed myself better in AMB. But now in NJCSB, I've changed. I dunno why. I'm not comfortable enough I think. There are too many flautists maybe, and that's disturbing my mood. I mean having ten people playing the flute at the time is ridiculous! Maybe I should change to saxophone or something...lol.

I'm not following tempo, I'm not observing technical variances like dynamics, I'm not blowing properly, I'm not as free to play, so how in the end do I expect to become student conductor? I begin to wonder...

The last time I conducted the band, it flopped. I didn't gripe when it cracked up; I think I did the bravest thing anyone could do. I didn't crack up, but instead took it in a good stride and asked the audience to ccheer the band. Damn it they did!!!! It was so funny, but ultimately it affected my self-esteem. I had no idea what I was making the band play. I had a sound in my head and it wasn't coming out. Maybe we can blame the fact that we undertook the task 1 week before, and we had only two or three practices, and I was also doing a solo. This was during the Arts Festival btw.

But still, I wonder if I'm up to the rigours of conducting. I mean music makes sense to me and I can understand structure sometimes. But can I communicate it to the band? I don't know nuts about nothing!!! Sound control and all that: What are these weird terms you use and why must certain things be used in certain areas? Why lighter tonguing? What's with rOUNd notes? Raindrop effect? I dunno really. But I can criticise people for constantly using these terms and 'cliché'ing them.

Seriously, I can't criticise music. Only enjoy. So I don't know how to improve a band's playing. My own section...baaa. Haiya I dunno. I'm so confused. I need assurance.

I lost my emotive self. I can't express myself anymore. I don't know what there is to express! What can I say? How do I say it? Why must I say it?

Conclusion, I'm obviously still not comfortable in my band. Or maybe I'm just not as motivated. And that disappoints me. I feel like committing musical suicide.

I need encouragement. Some sense drilling. Tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can act now!!! My passion is not manifesting!

I think what I really need is to start learning. That brain of mine's been too limp.

Heat

Apparently, my words got too much publicity for my own words. I think about 5 people have quoted my 'famous' words, however you may view them. Sometimes, you gain too much fame when you least expect it. I just wanted to wish AMB on the MSN boards, and I felt it was necessary to, as I always do, give people a piece of my mind. I wanted them to know what I truly believe in and how I really feel.

Which is why I kinda resent it being referred to as idiotic. I shouldn't think that the things I stand for should be crudely labelled as 'idioticy'.

And maybe there were a few misconceptions.

Nah...I don't see how there's any reference to the competitive nature of the SYF in my quote. No way. My intentions were to quash that ridiculous mindset and show you the way. Holy Mackarel; last thing I wanna do is contradict myself in such issues!

It's true. I don't remember facing 'competition' in my last SYF. Sure there was reason to be a bit dazzled at some other school's performances, and lose a bit of faith in your own band's chances of having any face beside the other band. But my impetus in the game was to do my best, fullstop. Just as Wen Jie said. Why do some people view the whole darn thing as pure competition? It's derrogatory to the wonder that is music! Offensive indeed!

Music is not a sport. If you think that music is recreation, that's true, but if you think that recreation means sport, then you don't know what you do music for. There's a world of a difference between an art and a sport. In no way does competition come in the arts. What is appreciation? Do your bandsmen have any idea what it is? Does it mean watching other schools and coming out of the concert hall fearing how well they played? How vicious that song sounded? How 'nice the tone was' bla bla bla. Does it mean degrading the band by saying that they don't stand a chance at all?

I still remember how I went for SJI's concert last year, and all I could hear were comments on how their tuning was awful, this that, some Sec 2s were saying that it wasn't as good as our band. What the heck? Are you here to criticise the band and its music or enjoy the music? I seemed to be the only one sitting on neither side. The only reason I might've said it was good was because I was actually 'listening', and experiencing the new realm their band had opened to me. That tingle that goes down your spine and makes you feel hot...probably much better than any pleasure you could experience in this world. Why do you people go for the superficial, the surface, the thing that is easiest to see, instead of trying your best to listen out to what the band is trying to say?

I can accomplish much in life because I change my mindsets easily. I believe in my principles. And I believe strongly that the SYF is only a competition because the players see it as a competition. Why can't we see it as an opportunity to bring to others the pleasure of listening to quality sound, rather music?

I believe that the medal is more than just a gauge for a band: it's an incentive. Win the medal, do better next time! But of course many take it as win the medal, you'll definitely do better next time! I'm currently guilty of this. Anyway, why do sportsmen strive to compete in the Olympics? For the Gold? I'd think it's more for the pride they bring back to their country, and themselves. Many would think it's an incentive for their hard work. Why can't we see the medal as an reward for the energy we put into performing, not as a way of grading bands?

We aren't even of any standard in this world to think we are worthy of competing. Not a single band. Let's get that straight.

I realise many people refer to the invisible driving force as pressure. It sounds so negative! It can be referred to as motivation. Standard setting. Not pressure, I don't like the way it's used in this context. Pressure is what you feel in the heat of a competition, and need I reiterate my stand?

From all the conversations I've had with band girls especially, I infer that pressure certainly causes them to lose sight of what they fight for. Boys are accused of calling it goal setting and bla bla. If that's the way the put it, I can make this scathing remark now, that I know why some bandgirl's in AMB do not seem to do well, or as well as the guys. It's because you see the whole thing as pressure! But the thing is, it's merely a perspective!

Yes you could say I have pressure to live up to Marcus. But my pressure lies only in the context of the section, not in myself. Since Marcus built up the section so well, I want to try my best (straining my voice at this point) to maintain the standard of the section by trying to groom many powerful players within the section itself. And it starts from me as section leader. But to say that I want to live up to Marcus and face pressure in doing that is wrong. I've my reasons.

Firstly, I respect Marcus and idolise his playing, but in no way do I want to have MY identity in HIM. In musical terms, every player is defined by his own special style. Certainly, styles are mixed and matched and influenced from other celebrated people, but everyone has something in them that is exclusive. You could say its their 'combination'. I do not want to be Marcus, therefore I don't want to live up to him. If I did, oh boy would I have faced a hell lot of pressure. But knowing myself, I will willfully bow down to pressure. I have a very weak mind, and when I know I'm falling, I surrender in order to sustain my lousy self. I don't believe in fighting to the death; it's just another stupid way of justifying suicide. So in light of the torment I'd have to go through, I would have smashed that instrument long time ago. But what really takes me through is my undying passion for music and its beauty. I think the only reason I'd have to want to live up to Marcus is to emanate his passion for music and nothing else. I don't need to sound like him or dance on the stage like him, because if I had a flame as hot as his, such things will come naturally, when you least expect it. I do not want to be Marcus.

Siew Han, I love you very much. Let me warn you that the more you try to get on my nerves by trying to poke my ego, the more I love you. Thanks for my wonderful session of thought anyway!!

One month from now

I just came from a reunion with Sid. It was great. Talked about everything under the sun. I'm so happy.

School has been emotionally exhausting. I dislike Malay as usual, and I'm still scared of History. I'm begining to think it's a mistake. But I'll make sure it isn't. I thought I loved History?

I'm so happy....we said bye! Muahahaha...tmrw's my next chance.

Now to take my mind of innocent teenage perks, I'll get down to the main stuff. See, the SYF is on 05.05.'05. Apart from being an extremely boring array of numbers, it has special significance. It is the SYF date from NJCSB. The sad truth is, IT'S EXACTLY A MONTH AWAY!

Band ends at 8 on Mon and Wednesday now. But I enjoy it.

Anyway, don't have much time. I must go soon.

Here's proof that idiots have some hope of becoming linguistically 'enlightened'.

"The SYF is the grand display of your skill. But play to inspire, not to impress. AMB isn't the best- there are no bests. Play to create music, music that comes from the heart and not solely the mind. Play with humility, not with pride. Play not for the medal in mind, but think about the blood and sweat your seniors, conductors, but more importantly, YOU shed in order to perform on the stage of the S'pore Conference hall. Play, because you were made to play." -Craig

Meaning

I forgot to mention my new class that I was put in on April fools day.

It's not new actually, I'm still in 05S23. But half the class from 1st 3 months has been shaved off. The vacuum has been filled by people I don't know at all from other JCs, or from the same one. First feature of my class: It's got 7 Andersonians. I don't know how you'd feel about having 6 other ASSes in your class, but somehow I feel that it's my destiny to be haplessly surrounded by ASSes. I mean it in the negative sense.

Second feature: The timetable is weirdddddd. Still end at 4 30 everyday. Except Thursday at 5 20, and Wed at 3 10. Fri ends earlier actually since my subjects are just nice. But the worst thing is that everyone has different PE classes at the weirdest times with other classes. bah

I'm kinda scared, because although I know half the people there, it's just that I know the class won't be as close as it used to be in the first 3 months. Firstly, we don't know everyone, secondly, the ppl presently in the class who were from the old 05S23 are very cliquish. I do not recall when such a phenomenon happened. But I don't feel exactly welcome anymore. But it doesn't affect me so badly considering I'm a social nomad: jumping from one group to another.

And a certain new girl in the class kinda scares me. She's new to the school, and she's very bubbly and cheerful: the typical cute sweet girl everyone likes. But she hits me as being extremely arrogant. I'm not insulting her or anything, but I think I might have a slight problem with her due to the dominancy thing that all guys have. It's too complicated to explain here. Anyway, all the more I'll become friends with her so I can keep her in check. I don't think she'll be chronically horrible to the point the class will disown her. Time will tell I guess.

From next week, SYF preparations are pushed a notch up. So I'll come back home at 9 everyday? Cool. Anyway, it's a good excuse to not do hmwk.

Heard this story in church and found it to be extremely interesting as far as human psychology goes.

When Nazi German ruled, and the third Reich was inn full swing, a group of POWs were stationed to work in a factory processing human waste. Although the job was vile and gross and degrading enough, they survived a year and a half in such a lousy condition and lifestyle.

But then one day, the Allies struck and bombed this factory. The Germans had no intention of rebuilding the factory too soon. Instead, they made the POWs carry the rubble from the wreckage to a nearby field. The next day, the Nazis ordered them take it back to the site of the factory. This process was repeated from a few weeks.

Many of the POWS went crazy doing this over and over again. Some reached such a point of desperation taht they threw their bodies in front of the Nazi officers. That was equal to commiting simple suicide.

It's strange how in the first instance, the POWs were treated in conditions far more horrible than the latter, but still they had an impetus for living. When they were asked to mindlessly carry rubble to and fro, they wanted to end their lives. That's because the former job, although filthy, had a meaning. Processing human waste maybe cleaned their waters or provided a supply of fertiliser. What purpose did carrying rubble have? The moral of the story is that humans need a goal in order to experience a sane and fulfilling life, regardless of the state of their lives. Consider Mahatma Ghandi. Although he belonged to the upper class, he degraded himself to the lowest class just because he knew he was fighting for an independent India. He led a simple life, too simple for his own liking I'm sure. He gave up luxury to lead the life of a man with nothing, just for a goal he believed in.

Don't mindlessly do something you know there's no goal to. It'll make you go mad. Imagine going through a dark tunnel without any light at the end. THat's what it's like: being in a lost situation.

I think we should truly go back, and search deeply, what we stand for and our main thrusts in life. Are we doing things to follow the flow? Or to accomplish something some day?

Today was April Fools day?

Was it?

There wasn't any joking around, any "KICK ME" signs, or any lame "there's a spider in your hair" joke that I would conveniently fall for. It's kinda sad because Aprils Fools day has always been such a ceremony for us, especially (ESSSSSSPECIALLY) in St Gabriel's Primary School.

Anderson wasn't so bad either. I still remember the main jokes we played on teachers. In sec 3, the master of knots Shun Fa made a magic knot while tying a strand of raffia on the handle of the OHP screen. Normally, us big boys, moderately sized teachers and even the girls who had slightly smaller frames were able to pull down the OHP readily without the raffia hanging down for us to pull it. The only reason why we attached the string there was for Mdm Loh, our Bio teacher. She's about half my size. When Mdm Loh came in for Bio, the class sat down expectingly after greeting her, waiting for her to give a jolly April Fools day speech, and then become the fool. So she turns round, grabs the raffia string, tugs at it, and finds that the raffia falls down neatly in her hands. The screen was still up. Class bursts into laughter.

Last year was more mellow. I think it was because the whole concept of jolly-making was becoming more and more distant to us, with all the exams, the onslaught of the O level exams, and the general turmoil of the teenage life. It was up to the class clown to do something silly. During the first break, which was before Maths lesson, he writes an announcement boldly on the class white board saying "Class, Mr Tan says go to Maths Lab 2 for Maths Lesson." Class allows for such nonsense to be kept up on the board. Mr Tan walks into class promptly 2.5 minutes after the bell has rung, puts his briefcase down, looks at the board, turns around tickled and said "Good thing I'm in a good mood today." The remark was quite surprising considering he's quite a serious 'no nonsense' man. We all laugh and shout April Fools day.

Oh, and if you're still wondering, the class clown is non other than me.

And today, nothing of the sort happened. Teachers were safe from any mischief and plot, and they still gained satisfaction in reading to us from the screen of their lectures. None of the students had any intention of playing tricks on each other.

What has this world come to?!?!

Let me ask you a serious question. Are you normally aware of what the day and date is? If you are, then if there were more people like you, today would have been much more interesting, don't you think?

And since the teachers seem so safe here, I promise you, if I go into teaching, I will not teach in a JC. I'd rather go to Secondary school, so the students can have fun with me.

I think I know why I'm crabby and moody (eeks that sounds more apt for describing a girl). Anyway, my left wisdom tooth is emerging and cutting through my gum. And it's excruciating. My right wisdom tooth doesn't give any more problem. Good thing too.

Well, to end this off smoothly, I just wanna implore all of you out there who (are surprisingly) discovering my blog, to keep the April Fools spirit alive! Please, if we have less fooling around, the world will be so sullen and dry.

SUPPORT THE HAPPY SILLINESS MOVEMENT!!!